Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the funniest jokes and videos and the sharpest monologues and parodies from the comedy shows. We’ve got your back: You need sleep, after all, and something to smile about, while we’re getting paid to watch late night, which is insane.
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Questioning Stephen Miller
The senior White House adviser Stephen Miller has been making stunning statements all over TV lately, like this one on “Face the Nation” on Sunday:
“The media and the whole world will soon see, as we begin to take further actions, that the powers of the president to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned.”
That line alone was enough for Mr. Miller to become Public Enemy No. 1 with a few late-night hosts on Monday.
“The only way that statement could be more terrifying is if he yelled it in German.” — SETH MEYERS
“What’s up with ‘will not be questioned’? What does that mean? It’s less like an argument and more like a line from ‘50 Shades Darker.’ ‘I will not be questioned!’ [makes whip-cracking sound]” — TREVOR NOAH
“‘Will not be questioned’? Let me test that theory: What the [expletive] are you talking about?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Mr. Colbert went on to challenge Mr. Miller, who had told George Stephanopoulos that he would go on “any show, anywhere, anytime, and repeat it, and say the president of the United States is correct, 100 percent.” Mr. Colbert invited Mr. Miller onto Tuesday’s show.
COLBERT: If you don’t show up, I’m gonna call you a liar. And if you do show up, I’m gonna call you a liar to your face.
Oh, Grammys: The Day After
“After winning for best album, Adele said she thought Beyoncé should have won instead. Then Kanye was like, ‘Damn, she beat me to it,’ and went back to his seat.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to Kanye West’s famous interruption of Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards
“How about Beyoncé? I don’t even know what to make of it. She took to the stage and transformed from a queen into a deity. She was the Virgin Mary and Jesus at the same time, somehow. At one point it was so blatant, I actually said to myself, I was like, ‘Is this blasphemy? Can Beyoncé do this?’ And then, I kid you not, the voice of God came down in my living room and said, ‘How dare you question Beyoncé?’” — NOAH
Fallon Lampoons DeVos … Again
Mr. Fallon didn’t miss another opportunity to take a shot at Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, after a Twitter post from her office misspelled the name of W. E. B. DuBois. Mr. Fallon has made a cottage industry of portraying Ms. DeVos as daffy and dimwitted. Despite a few solid laugh lines (“Our sincerest I’m-sorrys go out to W. E. B. DuBois as well as to W. E. B. DuGirls”), the parody is getting repetitive. And maybe just a little too easy.
The Punchiest Punchlines (White House Edition)
“Crazy story: At an international tennis match, U.S. officials accidentally played the Nazi national anthem. Yeah, White House adviser Steve Bannon was outraged, and said, ‘We’re not rolling that out till August. C’mon, supposed to be a surprise!’” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“Either Flynn straight-up lied to Mike Pence, or Mike Pence lied to us. But of course to Mike Pence, a lie is just a truth that hasn’t gone through conversion therapy yet. It can change.” — MEYERS, on questions over whether the vice president knew that Michael Flynn, the national security adviser who resigned on Monday, had discussed lifting sanctions with Russian officials
“President Trump today held a press conference with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Just look at those two: It looks like a debate between a snowboarding instructor and a ghost that drowned. Trudy and the beast.” — MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Denzel Washington will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” where he’s likely to discuss his Oscar-nominated performance in “Fences.” Mr. Washington weighed in recently on the #OscarsSoWhite controversy; we’ll be interested to see whether he has any thoughts on Beyoncé’s disappointing haul at the Grammys on Sunday night, which our pop critic called “#GrammysSoWhite come to life.”
And we’re taking bets to see if Stephen Miller keeps his word and accepts Mr. Colbert’s invitation.
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