Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
Beyoncé and Jay Z
This past weekend generated plenty of news about President Trump, but the late-night hosts took a break from their constant political quipping to celebrate the arrival of a certain set of twins.
“I want to say congrats to Beyoncé and Jay Z, who welcomed twins. The doctor said, ‘It’s a boy and a girl,’ and the twins said, ‘It’s Jay Z and Beyoncé, oh my gosh!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“You know how powerful Beyoncé is? For the first time in history, people actually want to see pictures of kids on Facebook. Everybody’s scrolling, like, ‘Where are they, where are they? Get out of here, dumb nephews, I want to see Beyoncé’s kids.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“She’s named them Juniper Halo and Coriander Starlight. [Pause.] Those aren’t real names, but none of you questioned it!” — JAMES CORDEN
Colbert Sees a ‘Fight Club’ White House
On “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert said he had finally figured out why the White House’s narrative on the firing of the former F.B.I. director, James Comey, might seem a little hard to follow: They’re like the Tyler Durden character in the film “Fight Club.”
“So, if Trump says he decided to fire Comey, and Trump says Rod Rosenstein told Trump to fire Comey, that means Trump is Rod Rosenstein. It’s a ‘Fight Club’ situation — they’re the same guy. I’ve never seen them on camera together. That explains why Trump can’t stop punching himself in the face.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Trevor Noah Gives a Sharp Critique of the N.R.A.
At the end of his opening segment on Monday night, Trevor Noah took a break from the jokes to discuss the case of Philando Castile. The police officer who fatally shot Mr. Castile — who was in possession of a legally registered gun when he was shot — was acquitted of all charges, prompting Mr. Noah to wonder why the National Rifle Association hadn’t taken up Mr. Castile’s cause.
“In a story of a man being shot because he was lawfully armed, you would think that one powerful group in America would say something about it. There’s one group that you would expect to be losing their [expletive] minds about it. The N.R.A. But for some strange reason, on this particular case, they’ve been completely silent. And yet according to their rhetoric, this is everything that they stand against — right? An officer of the state depriving a citizen of his life because he was legally carrying a firearm?” — TREVOR NOAH
“It’s interesting how the people who define themselves by one fundamental American right — the right to bear arms — show that once race is involved, the only right that they believe in is their right to remain silent.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Lawyering Up Edition)
“A new report just came out that says President Trump made $598 million in income last year. I mean, it sounds like a lot, but after taxes — it was still $598 million.” — JIMMY FALLON
“You need layers of lawyers when you’re a liar.” — SETH MEYERS, explaining why many members of President Trump’s inner circle seem to be hiring lawyers
The Bits Worth Watching
When Jimmy Kimmel celebrates Father’s Day, it’s not a good time to actually be a father.
“Captain Ron and Cecil?” Turns out Will Ferrell can definitely think fast.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Marc Maron is getting to be a household name, as we reported recently, thanks to his funny and fascinating podcast. He’ll talk to Mr. Colbert tomorrow on “The Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Senator Al Franken talked to the actress Olivia Wilde — and our reporter — about living in the age of “alternative facts.”
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